Title: Behemoth

Also known as:

Year: 2011

Genre: Sci-Fi / Horror

Language: English

Runtime: 90 min

Director: David Hogan

Writer: Rachelle S. Howie

IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1566486/

When most people suspect a typical earthquake shaking the small town of Ascension, a group of scientists suspect something much, much worse.

Our thoughts:
It's a mystery why I would go and buy something like this. The majority of these recent CGI-filled monster films are just the same old bullshit. At least with "Behemoth" I didn't have to endure the intentional stupidity of films such as "Mega Piranha" (intentional stupidity that they ignore in the actual movie - it's just in the idea) so the odds of it being enjoyable were slightly higher. I was naive, I guess.

What we have here is a huge fucking monster film. As usual, it's set in a small (mountain) town. We follow Thomas Walsh and a few of his family members. Of course Thomas Walsh has to be the guy who knows his way around the mountain, and he's also an ex-marine. The rest of the town is equally boring and stale in their personalities - I don't think there is a single character in the movie that you can like simply because they don't come off as realistic in any way. After several weird and seemingly natural occurrences in the town and mountains, they finally start noticing that something dangerous is about to be unleashed from within the mountains - a huge fucking.. thing. Yes, it's about as thingy as a thing can be - not really a dragon, not really a octopus. Isn't the behemoth, in mythology, something more along the lines of an actual animal? A bull or whatever similar animal? Fuck it - alright, I will accept that this behemoth is a huge thing with tentacles.

One huge problem with this movie is that even once the monster has broken out of the mountain, the movie is still boring as hell. Actually, it probably gets more boring right about now. For some reason the monster seems to be stuck in the mountain - why else would he stay there instead of destroying the town? I don't understand why such a long build-up, only to have it do nothing (other than occasionally trying to hit the lead characters with its tentacles) once it's out in the open? I am pretty sure it could've destroyed pretty much everything in the surrounding area had it only wanted to.

That right there is the big issue because it takes away our only hope for entertainment. The movie also consists of a whole bunch of small problems as well. Things from terrible characters with bland personalities (it was expected, though) to something that could just be called stupid no matter how you look at it. There is one scene that was so mind-numbingly stupid that I was wondering how it got past the writing stage? I can understand if it's something the audience could miss, but how could someone accept something so ridiculous on paper?

We have a scene where a girl/young woman and an older man have to climb up into an attic of sorts, and they try to figure out who should go first. The old man tells her to go up, but she says she can't go first because she's not strong enough to help him up. So he goes up first. Without help, and without problem. Now the problem is to get her up. Wait... why couldn't she just have gone first, with him helping from underneath, if he could get up without her help? Okay, nevermind. She can't get up, instead she falls with the ladder and the old man jumps down (I think - he didn't have a ladder, as it had fallen over) to help her. Then she goes up first instead and has to help the old man up - but he too falls. Okay, so now he can't do it but earlier he had no problem? I'm not sure I can phrase this well enough for the stupidity to show its true colors, but it was just one long, boring and annoying fucking scene.

What else is there to comment on? This movie is exactly what I knew it would be but still didn't want it to be - it's bad, stupid, bland and boring. It's far from the worst of its kind but the lack of care and effort put into it ends up killing any entertainment values it could've had. The biggest problem isn't even the effects in this movie, it's actually that we don't get enough monster action once it's out in the open. The effects are far from the worst I have seen and I expected much worse (still pretty damn bad) so in that sense it does okay too. It's just... no. Don't watch this unless you plan on going through all the films of the Maneater series - which has potential to be used as a torture device. But at least this isn't going for pure stupidity for the sake of being stupid.

Positive things:
- Could've had worse effects. But they still stink!
- Not the worst of its kind.
- It didn't have a human villain character.
Negative things:
- I don't think that's what a behemoth looks like in the myths...
- Characters that lack everything remotely interesting.
- The monster doesn't really do anything!
- Scenes that are just fucking moronic.

Gore: 0.5/5
Nudity: 0/5
Story: 1/5
Effects: 1/5
Comedy: 0/5

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