- Ghosts of Empire Prairie (2013) Review

Title: Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre

Also known as:

Year: 2014

Genre: Independent / Horror / Comedy

Language: English

Runtime: 83 min

Director: Aiden Dillard

Writer: Aiden Dillard


A swamp in Florida becomes the vacation spot for a group of bikini babes. Little do they know that the legend of the Coo-Wah-Chobee spirit is real - and is stalking the swamp. But will these innocent ladies be able to beat this spirit, and is the tour guide as innocent as he seems? Or could it be that the took them to that very location for a reason?

Our thoughts:
Are you ready for bite sized sarcasm? Just one word. "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre" is... good. Now that's some clever sarcasm, isn't it!? Anyway, yes, now we have thrown that out there. This is a bad movie. It's a bad, new Troma release. Like so many other recent releases by them, it's just another poorly executed independent movie with little to offer. What I find interesting is that many of the now cult Troma titles are just like that too. Only older. So in the future, will "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre" be loved for everything that makes it bad? Probably not, because there are simply too many of them now. But what makes "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre" bad?

First, let's look at the plot. It has the very common "girls in danger" setup, which isn't that bad. A bunch of girls go to a swamp in Florida. Anyone who thought that was a good idea deserves what they get! They get a tour guide who can't really be trusted, no matter how nice he seems to start with. Once they get to the location, deep in the swamp, they're grossed out by the lack of luxuries, but there's something worse than inconveniences there. The spirit of the Coo-Wah-Chobee! Also known as a fat man in little clothing and some make-up, with a hatchet. Yes, these bikini-clad ladies are in danger!

The movie looks and feels slightly better produced than some other crap recently. Not great by any means, but surely better than the general backyard production. The characters are obnoxious and stupid as all hell. Intentional or not, I want to care in one way or another - but these are not likable characters. Nor can you cheer on the "Coo-Wah-Chobee", because that's one of the least interesting killers I have seen. It's just not entertaining to watch. Does that mean I have high standards for slashers and indie horror in general? Not exactly, but I guess I have grown tired of certain things and "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre" hits a lot of those points. And, you know, it's generally a shitty movie.

The kills themselves aren't horribly bad, but because nothing around them is worth watching it's hard to enjoy them. They have some blood and okay effects (considering), but lacks in creativity. It's mostly hatchet kills, stabbings in the usual places (chest) and so on.

It's not literally pushing to be a comedy, but most things are very comedy-like. It doesn't try to be scary and everything is intentionally stupid, yet it doesn't ever get a laugh. So here we have a horror comedy that doesn't show horror or comedy, and it "succeeds" in being neither. It's just another brainless independent movie that fits the recent trend of filmmakers not caring too much.

In the end, "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre" is another bad Troma release. I love that Troma are releasing a-plenty right now, even if it's bad stuff, because that's what Troma is to me. I hope they continue, but hopefully there will be at least some entertaining things between all the crap. "Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre" doesn't have much that makes it worth the money. Hopefully most of you realize by now that the more the a movie title promises, the lesser the movie will be.

Positive things:
- Actually not that poorly shot.
- Some blood and boobs.

Negative things:
- I don't think I need pick holes in this for you to realize it's bad.

Gore: 2/5
Nudity: 1/5
Story: 1.5/5
Effects: 2/5
Comedy: 1/5

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