A bag is found in Congo. The bag is containing the found footage of a lost expedition crew that went to research the rumors of a living Mokele Mbembe. And the footage reveals that they found something much, much more.
You already know of my interest in mockumentaries/found footage films. And maybe if you read the "Carnosaur" reviews, you know I grew up loving dinosaurs. Obsessively, almost. They were just fucking awesome! So with "The Dinosaur Project", it was like a dream come true. I mean, I knew it was gonna be bad, but perhaps fun-bad. It sure as hell was gonna be better than SyFy movies, even though the CGI was just about as bad.
How did it go, then? Did I enjoy it? More about that after we discuss the story! Okay: A low flight over isolated Isla Sorna, where InGen's second research site was located, and Dr. Grant (played by Sam Neill) can fund his future research for a long time. What Dr. Grant didn't know is that Kirby just needs a dinosaur expert to help him and his wife find their 14-year-old son Eric, who crashed on the island while paragliding. What he did suspect, but never wanted to witness, is that the Velociraptors have evolved into a communicating species (and seemingly all along had the capability to do so), now being smarter than primates.
Oh wait, that was the plot to "Jurassic Park 3" as seen on IMDb! I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that! Okay, I do. It's basically the same fucking movie, just even worse and handheld! Ignore some of the details, and just focus on an expedition crash-landing in the midst of dinosaurs, and yeah, it's the same fucking thing. But that's far from the worst thing about "The Dinosaur Project" - who expected a new, good, fresh plot anyway? Probably not even the writer who wrote the first word!
Where does the film fall down and kick us in the teeth, then? Right around the time you realize that they have no idea how to execute a mockumentary/handheld film! Just when you realize that the movie you just sat down to watch is one of the worst attempts at fooling the audience that what they are watching is real. THAT's when you see that boot-wearing foot moving in slow-motion towards your front teeth. And somehow the other foot is moving towards your groin. I don't think I have seen a worse attempt, to be honest. These people obviously just had a movie idea and then stuck it to the closest trend they could find, and it happened to be found footage. This could have, should have, and almost IS shot as a standard movie, and they have no respect for the style whatsoever. Let's look at some of the bullshit. They plant cameras everywhere - or rather, the kid that snuck with them did. How many cameras did he fucking have? That's crazy! There are scenes where a camera is looking around the scenery, yet when it switches to one of the other cameras we see that no one is actually looking around. So WHO THE FUCK IS USING THAT CAMERA THEN? Fucking hell, how hard can it be? The whole idea of this "genre" is to keep it simple, primitive and realistic. That isn't even the best example of their failure. Sorry about this, but this is a SPOILER (who the fuck cares?): in the end we have a character put all the footage in a backpack, and he then throws it down into the water from a mountain/huge rock/whatever (it's a long drop, that's all that matters). And that is the footage that they find. But wait a minute!? He is filming when he does that, and he doesn't put THAT tape into the bag - so why the fuck are we seeing that footage? I hope to God I missed something, because that's probably the most ridiculious thing ever. I was literally jumping in my seat, laughing and yelling "What the fuck!?" when it happened. I could go on about this.
But instead I wanna get into the next issue - other stupid shit that goes on! I'll keep this shorter (but rest assured that I am leaving plenty out). One of the dinosaurs gets friendly with the humans, and even enjoys cuddling/getting patted. Actually, the entire species seem pretty friendly. Of course, except for the bad guys - they'll eat them right up, won't they? Oh yes they will! I'm SURE these fucking reptiles love being scratched, becomes friends with strange species in just a matter of minutes, and then know exactly which ones to dislike! Obviously! It's just a poor dinosaur movie overall, really. It only has a few kinds of dinosaurs, and they are rarely threatening. And we have to suffer through the movie with an annoying fucking teenager in the lead role. God damnit..
Hell, the CGI doesn't even seem so bad compared to the other bullshit that's going on. Up close the effects are pretty bad (I think I made some noise of annoyance when we saw the first close-up), but on a distance they actually look pretty good. I'd definitely live with the poor close-ups (if they were few) had just the movie been slightly better OR more entertaining. Instead it decided to be a cunt about it, and piss on my face.
You are better off without this movie. I was tricked by my subgenre interest and childhood obsession, and I will keep being fooled by movies like this. But please skip this. Even though it comes with rather nice artwork (a stolen idea, but they did it well!). This is pure fucking shit. No entertainment, just lots of boring talking (in a dinosaur movie), friendly dinosaurs and terrible cock-twisting attempts of making a mockumentary.