An evil family curse is released upon a group of friends who are just hoping for a good, sex-filled weekend. Now their party weekend has turned into a massacre as they're being hunted down by a masked killer.
Okay, I think I have to start this review in the same way that I have done a few times before (I think). It's by saying that I love Njutafilms as a distributor, they have released some of my favorite movies. But they have also released a lot of bad movies, and each time I review them I sort of feel bad for it. But I'm an honest reviewer and I still think it's fair for readers that I review these films rather than not reviewing them at all. Obviously, duh. The reason I am saying this is because I doubt I will be making friends with this review of "Last Caress".
I have to bring up the fact that this film IS a homage to the classic Italian horrors. That much I get and respect. I understand why someone would want to pay tribute to those films too. But "Last Caress" isn't really what you expect when you hear about an Italian horror homage. Which is weird since it covers so much Fulci, Argento, overall giallo, supernatural and occult with all the black gloves and colored lighting you'd ever need.
Let's take a step back and discuss the story. What the fuck is the story? Oh, that's right, there's this curse. It's released upon a group of horny youngsters. And this curse comes in form of a masked killer. Or wait, did the curse bring the killer or was there a curse AND a killer? Ah, god damnit, I don't care! All the filmmakers wanted to do was to throw in every little fucking thing they could to be able to call this a homage. Not like they even cared to give it a good story, or even one that was coherent. This is a bloody fucking mess!
And when I say it's a bloody mess, I mean it. Before I go into the real crap of "Last Caress", I'll give it some credit. It's rather gory and it actually looks pretty good. Some flaws, but overall it will be good enough to please a gorehound. It's filled with cuts, wounds, spraying blood and all that good stuff. There we go, that's the good stuff I had to say.
With the gore we're also served plenty of nudity. Which I have to file under a negative thing. Which is weird, as I love myself some good smut and nudity. Horror and some sexy nude women goes hand-in-hand. BUT NOT WHEN IT FEELS LIKE I'M WATCHING A LOW-BUDGET VERSION OF THE PLAYBOY CHANNEL. Is this a horror movie or is it poor erotica? At times I couldn't tell. It's impossible for me to take a movie seriously (and I can't say this is comical in any way, so I have no choice but to think of it as "serious") when the filmmakers are acting like 14 year olds who have never seen nude women before, but are now allowed to do it from behind a camera. It's ridiculous! How many times can people undress, shower and/or randomly get naked in one movie? This isn't a French giallo, this is a French Bethmann film, for crying out loud! That's not a compliment in the least, because even though I have watched plenty of his films, they're all boring and bad! Dear filmmakers, François Gaillard and Christophe Robin (hey, aren't you friends with Winnie-the-Pooh?), I'm sure the majority of your audience is old enough to buy or rent porn, so don't waste your movie with this unless you're actually making porn! I guess this wouldn't have annoyed me as much hadn't I gone into it expecting a good/alright horror. As for classing it as erotica, I wouldn't agree on that either. It's just poor use of nudity in an otherwise horror-oriented flick.
That's a long fucking rant on nudity. Never expected to be that annoyed by nudity! Oh well, let's get on with it. Where to go now? Okay, the lighting. The colored lighting isn't too bad, I get the reference to the old films ("Amer" did this too). But what I can't put my head around is the terrible overly-bright look much of the movie has. It looks like every person has a light under their skin, and every flower has a small flashlight in the middle. What the hell was the point of making it so bright that it was hard to look at the screen? It looks terrible, especially when they blur it too! Was it to hide flaws? Fuck me!
It's hard not to mention the soundtrack when the release comes with a disc of the soundtrack. I don't think the soundtrack is too bad, but sometimes I can't stand the use of it. At one point, during a murder, my girlfriend said it sounded like "galaxy poop". That sums that scene up perfectly! Weird space/sci-fi-ish sounds mixed with squishy stabbing sounds. This was a perfect example of how they used music that wasn't necessarily bad the wrong way. I guess I can't complain about the actual soundtrack, but rather when, where and how it was used. I haven't listened to the disc yet so maybe it's great on its own. For now it's cursed by being in this bad movie.
Another thing that really got under my skin was how the cinematography was like a camera equivalent of flexing your muscles. They found a few techniques they liked, and then spoon-fed us consistently through the entire movie. I get it, please stop now! It gave off a feeling of distance. And I don't mean it felt like I distanced myself from the movie because of it, but it felt like the people behind the camera didn't care about the movie, just about their own movements/techniques. Don't worry, I am confusing myself with this paragraph, since I don't know how to explain it any better. I'll just get on with it...
What really makes "Last Caress" a bad movie isn't the silly school-boy-fantasy-nudity, the bad lighting, the galaxy poop scene (if you haven't read the entire review, please do), the cinematography flexing, or even the bad acting (which isn't a big deal when the rest is so bad). What makes this bad is the story. It's a fucking mess. It's not interesting, and it literally just throws anything in there. It doesn't know what it wants to do, nor does it know how to mix these things well. There's no way to think of this as a GOOD movie, because it's just a fist full of ideas thrown into a mixer. I don't even know if they tried or ONLY wanted gore and nudity. At least with Bethmann I get it! If this was released and marketed in the same way as many German splatter-porn-crapfests, then I'd know what I'd be getting. With "Last Caress" I thought I'd get a somewhat good horror/giallo.
It's an okay watch if you look away every time gore isn't on screen, but I'd suggest just skipping the movie. In many ways this is a homage to old Italian horror movies, but trust me when I say that it feels more like a German indie/splatter/smut/crapfest only it's in French. I'm sorry, Njutafilms, you guys have some amazing movies on your label but this isn't one of them. I can't believe I have to write a review for "Blackaria" now...