Title: Monster Brawl

Also known as:

Year: 2011

Genre: Action / Comedy / Horror

Language: English

Runtime: 89 min

Director: Jesse T. Cook

Writer: Jesse T. Cook

IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1716753/

A wrestling tournament from hell is held at an abandoned cemetery, with eight different monsters competing. The losers will be wiped off of the face of the earth. Who or what is the ultimate monster?

Our thoughts:
If I went up to a 9 year old version of myself and said that there will be a movie called "Monster Brawl" that will feature Frankenstein's monster, a werewolf, a zombie, the Mummy, a witch, a cyclops, a swamp creature and a witch wrestling each other, and follow it up with the fact that it will be boring as hell... Well, I wouldn't have believed it. Not for a second. How could it not be the most awesome thing ever made? of course, now I knew it wouldn't be the most awesome thing ever, but the least you should get is entertainment and laughs, right? If only that was the case in this pointless snoozefest.

The plot is as expected: monsters fighting. We get a quick glimpse into how they became part of the tournament, but it's nothing major. This is not the problem, however. We knew that going into it - and hell, at first I was excited that it seemed to take on a rather "serious" sport channel style. Just to add a realism to the absurd and ridiculous idea. Coming home after a long day, I needed something easy but fun. What I got was a sleeping pill. I mean, I didn't fall asleep (which I do in some instances) but my mind felt like it was way gone.

The thing that made this simple, childish movie so poor was the fact that the fights were lame as a motherfucker. It's literally just wrestling in costumes. Usually for a final move they used some sort of "power" that were personal, but other than that it was mostly punching, kicking, and random standard wrestling moves. Shouldn't the cyclops who can foresee the future use that against the witch? And shouldn't the witch then use her witchcraft against the cyclops? You'd think. What should the werewolf do? You're right, he SHOULD claw and bite. He does howl at the moon, though, but that's only before doing a dive. Few moments during the fights are even a fragment of what we expected going into this, and that ends up being the thing that holds this away from "fun" and more towards "shitty-boring-crap-blargh". Which is what it is. Please, distributors, can you please quote me here: "Monster Brawl" is shitty-boring-crap-blargh. Or an alternative, if you prefer: "Monster Brawl" would make a garbage bag proud.

Outside of the fighting, we do have the "backstories", as well as the two sport's commentators. These are just here to keep us busy between the fights, but instead they steal the light away from them. Except for a few moments of fighting, I got more out of the shit inbetween. However, the quality remains the same: attempted jokes that keep failing. The movie really is a small child's random idea given a budget. Still a relatively small budget, this is a huge budget to give to a 6 year old. No matter how insulting that is that is, that's what this feels like.

The effects are not always too bad. They could have looked a lot better had they not been exposed to the wrong lighting most of the time. I'm sure the swamp creature, Swamp Gut, could've worked in an 80's vibe gorefest. Had the Zombie Man (and the zombies he spawn) creeped out of the dark, they could've been very effective. This shows that you need to know how to present your effects for them to work. There are decent bits of gore as well, but equal amounts of it is bad. It's not a movie you should watch for the effects, it's just not worth it.

"Monster Brawl" was way more boring than expected. It should've been bad, but not boring. Odds are that it could go over well for young teens, but it takes a lot of booze and the most stupid friends you have for an adult to truly enjoy this. I can't give it much credit, other than everyone involved spent way too much time on something that essentially should've been buried in the playground amongst children. Actually, I am pretty sure I played something like this - I think I was Pinhead. Someone was Jason Voorhees. Although we were in 2nd or 3rd grade, we already understood that if we were using these characters then our fighting should consist of their specialties, something that "Monster Brawl" missed most of the time.

Positive things:
- Lance Henriksen's voice. Except during the matches, since that was just misplaced.
- Some decent effects here and there.

Negative things:
- Those decent effects I mentioned were ruined by being under the wrong lighting.
- Annoyingly boring fights.
- Failed comedy.
- Most of the time the monsters were just... wrestling each other.
- MILF: Mummy I'd Like to Find... Really?

Gore: 1.5/5
Nudity: 0/5
Story: 1/5
Effects: 2/5
Comedy: 1/5

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