FilmBizarro.com - Ghosts of Empire Prairie (2013) Review

Title: Open Windows

Also known as:
The Interweb (alternative title)

Year: 2014

Genre: Thriller / Action / Crime

Language: English

Runtime: 96 min

Director: Nacho Vigalondo

Writer: Nacho Vigalondo

IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2409818/


Plot:
Famous actress Jill Goddard is giving a contest winning fan a chance to have dinner with her after a Q&A, but the fan's night will turn into a nightmare when a man calls him and tells him that she changed the plans. But who is the man on the phone? The fan becomes a device in a mad man's obsessive game surrounding the famous actress.

Our thoughts:
I want to start this review by saying that I like Nacho Vigalondo's "Timecrimes", and I am a general fan over the Hitchcockian plot that "Open Windows" has (which movies like "Phone Booth" did well in the past years). It's important that you know this, because the rest of this review will be me hating "Open Windows". I can't tell you a single thing about this movie, other than the plot outline, that is good. "Open Windows" is a painfully dumb movie to sit through, and let me tell you why.

The webmaster of the Jill Goddard fan site "JillGoddard-Caught.com" won a dinner with Jill through a contest. He obsessively plans his thank you speech that will be broadcast through a webcam at a Q&A, after which he will go out to dinner with her. Someone who is supposedly working with the contest calls him to inform him that Jill has changed her mind. And the man also helps him hack into her mobile devices, something which he is not too happy with. The man starts playing a game and forces the fan to abuse the young actress, and if he doesn't play by the rules then he will be exposed through his own website. Up until this point I think this is a good setup. Then the movie quickly falls into an endless pit of fucking bullshit.

No matter how open-minded you are, there is no way to ignore the amount of unbelievable crap that happens in the movie. The technology of the movie is completely retarded, where you can hack anything in any way you want in any way you want. Need an example? If you hack a bunch of unconnected cameras laying close to each other in a bag, you can create a 3D model of the surrounding enviroment and see what happens in any angle you want. Why? YOU JUST CAN, OKAY!? By just a click of the keyboard, this hacker can turn off walls in a regular camera. It just works, okay? Yes, "Open Windows" is the most unrealistic piece of garbage that I have ever seen. I hid my face in my palms more times than Elijah Wood was wide-eyed.

Okay, okay, so let's say you can ignore the most unbelievable technology trite - that you have a superhero power that gives you inhumane suspension of disbelief when it comes to technology - then is the movie good? It isn't. Nothing makes sense, the twists and turns lead nowhere, and random hack group characters are added for no other reason that to show how serious this is (yes, this hack group is the real deal, because they have glasses with green lights on them, and a Pirate Bay logo on their wall). You would think this was written by a 14 year old who watched too much "Rear Window", "Phone Booth" and "Mission: Impossible".

After watching this movie I don't think that Nacho Vigalondo has ever used a computer - especially not the internet. There is hardly anything in the movie that actually works in real life. But it's not like you can watch this like a sci-fi movie, because it's obvious that it wants to stay down to earth... It just doesn't.

Elijah Wood and Sasha Grey are big names, sure, but neither of them prove they can act in "Open Window". I have seen and liked some of their movies (and I'm not talking about Sasha Grey's porn!), and while I don't think that Elijah Wood is a great actoor, I have no real issues with him. Until now. This is one of the worst roles I have ever seen him in (and I saw "Grand Piano" - another annoying movie with a somewhat similar concept) and there is not a second that you actually believe he wants to be there. Not to mention the bad guy of the movie, who might be the worst bad guy of all time. A wimsy, clumsy retard would be the best way to describe him.

Did I mention that the entire movie is shown through a computer screen? Where we see everything happen through windows on the screen, with webcams and whatnot. I don't mind this style, but it's hardly new enough for this movie to gaining anything by doing it. Fucking Lisa Kudrow even did it with her series "Web Therapy"! If someone from "Friends" does it before you, you are not inventing anything. Again, the style is fine with me, but this movie had no use for it at all. At least with "Web Therapy" it made it possible for them to include anyone they want and have it be incredibly improvised.

"Open Windows" is the dumbest and most annoying movie I have watched this year. Nothing in the movie is done right. It did everything in its power to throw me out of the movie, and at times I was screaming out loud at how fucking bad and unrealistic it is. I can accept a lot of bullshit, but this takes the cake. This is a movie by someone who has no idea what they are doing. Fuck this movie and fuck Nacho Vigalondo for writing and directing this horrible piece of shit.

Okay, I'm not actually angry. I laughed at how stupid and shamelessly unbelievable it was, so there is something to get out of it. Just don't watch it alone. Don't be that guy.


Positive things:
- You can laugh at how bad it is in every way.

Negative things:
- Everything. Every. single. thing.

Rating:
Gore: 1/5
Nudity: 1.5/5
Story: 1/5
Effects: 2/5
Comedy: 1/5

We got this movie from:
Njutafilms.com

It can be bought from:
SubDVD.com

Reviewed by:
Ronny




 

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