Plot:
When Heiko is rejected by the girl he loves, his stepsister, he accidently attacks her twin sister instead and gets thrown into jail. When he comes out again he sets out to get his revenge.
Our thoughts:
Germans, what are they? Are they mere humans like us, or are they from a planet of cheese and crap? Are they intelligent like us, or more like turkeys (the animal, I'm not racist!)? I don't think I will ever know. They always seem to be on some sort of drug, they always get loud and they don't know when to stop. Of course I am not talking about all Germans, just the filmmakers. What was the last German movie you saw? I'm sure the majority of you will answer with the title of a splatter movie because for some reason that's what they do. "Ostermontag" is by the director Heiko Fipper who also got a nice DVD release from Unearthed Films with his "Das Komabrutale Duell", a movie I own but haven't seen.
Who the fuck cares about the story here? It's a revenge of some sort. I wouldn't know if I hadn't read up on it online since I watched the movie without subtitles. But it doesn't matter! This movie is bullshit and crap, all at the same time! What it offers is poorly made torture scenes, like fucking a woman with a knife or cutting off titties. This sounds like a good time, but I will assure you that it's so fucking poor that I wondered why I didn't fuck my eyes with a knife instead.
A movie like this needs good effects and some cringe-worthy moments to be worth anything, but this is so poorly made that it's just silly through-and-through. It's a couple of silly German blokes who had an idea for a torture film then didn't understand that their head-stomping scene would look terrible when it was made with a balloon. Not a single good effect in this film, although there is a scene at the end that I think was on the right track. If only it didn't feel like they threw in all ideas they had: cutting a woman's back, fucking her with a knife, shooting up her vagina so the spine splits open, then fucking the wound and cumming through the spine-crack. Yeah, this could've been a realistic scene had it not gone into to moronville and also been in a different movie - a serious movie. This scene seemed like it was filmed later on to make the film more appealing, and I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case.
I don't understand how this movie ever managed to get out of their own personal collection and onto an actual DVD release. It amazes me what shitfests get released nowadays. Yet here I am with a copy of my own, because it had the incredible stupid title "I Spit on Your Fucking Grave Bitch!". But moreso because it was a hardbox and that's what I wanted at that moment. If you buy this movie it better be to add something obscure into your collection, not because you think this will be good. Out of all the shitty German films I have seen, this ranks as the most amateurish, boring and stupid. That should speak volumes for this poop. Ignore all the warnings about extreme content, you can't be offended when something is so poorly made. Buuuut, at the same time it's hard to hate something so ridiculously talentless that also comes in a hardbox. |
