Title: Remains

Also known as:
Steve Niles' Remains (Complete title)

Year: 2011

Genre: Horror / Action / Zombie

Language: English

Runtime: 88 min

Director: Colin Theys

Writer: Steve Niles (novel / story), John Doolan (screenplay)

IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1870527/

People turn into zombies after a severe nuclear accident in Reno. A small group of people struggle to stay alive, while the zombies get stronger and stronger.

Our thoughts:
"Oh good, another zombie movie. This should suck, then." What a judgemental thing to say! It really is. It's not fair at all to judge a movie like that, only basing it on the genre. There are a ton of good zombie movies out there. But the truth is, this is the thought that was in my head when I received this for reviewing. I am extremely tired of zombie movies, and sadly it seems to be the most popular genre to explore when making a horror movie. Of course it's not fair to judge a movie that way - but you can't blame anyone who does it, not in modern times. There's simply too many made, and most of them are idiotic rehashes of the classics. Or they take the zombie genre to some place new, that simply doesn't work. My initial reaction to "Remains" wasn't wrong either, it turned out to be really bad. Not only as a zombie movie, but an insult to our intelligence in many aspects.

I don't expect the story of a zombie movie to catch me by surprise, to be revolutionary, so I am perfectly fine with a nuclear accident causing people to turn into zombies. I'm fine with following a group of survivors while they find safe places to camp. All of this is to be expected, and "Remains" follows like the mindless movie it is. But the fact is that this movie doesn't do anything at all to differ itself from other movies. You could've watched snippets of all the Romero flicks, pasted them together, and call it "Remains" and you'd get as much out of it.

"Remains" is a really stupid zombie movie that seemed like it was put together by 20 different people, all basing their thought on "What would George Romero do?", except each of them use a different one of his movies as guidelines. One looked at "Night of the Living Dead", and the other at "Land of the Dead". You get the point.. It ends up being an insult to watch it, because while they THINK they are doing the right thing, the audience knows that there IS a difference between the Romero movies. "Night of the Living Dead" is different from "Dawn of the Dead", and most definitely the later movies. Of course, my Romero comments is just speculations, but I am honest when I say that this is what it felt like. They attempt building drama between characters we hate (there's not a likable character in this movie - they are a bunch of assholes), they decide to include new things to the zombie lore because that's what Romero would do. Again, a huge failure - I don't care about sleeping zombies that occasionally snore, and I don't want zombies to grow stronger and stronger.

It's a stupid movie. It's so stupid that in one scene we have two C4 bombs, of the same kind, but one bomb only blows up a garage door (and the person near it survives). The other one... well, it blows up half a fucking building! Did they seriously think we are that stupid? Again, it's a mindless movie, so only zombies should watch it.

Please don't force me to go on. I don't want to write a paragraph about the silly part where they speed up a scene to make it seem like the car was driving fast, or the ridiculous car crash later on. I barely want to mention the fact that 2/3 into the movie they decided to up the dose of comedy (see what I'm saying about it being seemingly written by 20 different people? It's the camel of zombie movies). I could even accept the average effect and mediocre acting, because everything else was so much worse. If you respect yourself, skip this movie. If you're a curious fuck, then you've only got yourself to blame.

Positive things:
- I mean, if you ARE stupid, and want something stupid, then at least it's a rather traditional zombie movie.
Negative things:
- It's an insult to its audience.

Gore: 2.5/5
Nudity: 0/5
Story: 1.5/5
Effects: 2/5
Comedy: 1/5

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