Title: Satan's Blood

Also known as:
Don't Panic
Escalofrio

Year: 1978

Genre: Horror / Sexploitation

Runtime: 82 min

Director: Carlos Puerto, Juan Piquer Simón

Writer: Carlos Puerto

IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0887973/


Plot:
Andy and Thelma are invited by Bruno and Anne to come and stay at their country home to enjoy a nice and quiet weekend while former classmates Andy and Bruno catch up. Little do Andy and Thelma know is that they'll also be spending their weekend with Satan as well.

Our thoughts:
"Satan's Blood" is what happens when good Spanish sleazy knock-off flicks go bad. While "Rosemary's Baby" came out ten years before "Satan's Blood", it's more than obvious that former had a heavy influence on the latter. The big difference between the two is that "Satan's Blood" contains at least fifty-percent more stupidity than what is considered healthy by the Food and Drug Administration.

I know a number of people like to comment on the atmosphere of "Satan's Blood" and respectively, there is some to be found. The reason I do not like "Satan's Blood" is because it is unbelievably dull but also, and I don't understand why more people don't comment on this factor, the characters in the movie are completely stupid. Actually, no. The characters in "Satan's Blood" transcend stupid and are…well, basically, they're fucking retarded.

I know in horror movies we have to operate on a level of disbelief which is why I'm willing to go along with the idea that Andy, and his expecting wife Anna, are willing to travel to the country side with a man named Bruno and his wife. Bruno claims he went to school with Andy but Andy doesn't remember him at all, but they're going to go to Bruno's house anyway. It was the 70's and it's Spain so things might have been different back then. Where the movie loses me is when one weird thing after another occurs and it freaks both Andy and Anna out to the point one of them starts screaming, "We need to leave!" While the other one calmly says, "No, let's stay and relax." And they end up staying. Their dog being killed by Bruno's wife (She admits to doing it!), all the Satanic shit that's littered throughout the house, people being killed left and right, a cop that suspects Andy and Anna behind everything, Bruno and his wife lying constantly...None of it, not a single goddamn thing ever makes these two stupid asshole get up and say, "Hey, fuck this! We're leaving."

At least the movie could have and should have made up some preposterous supernatural reason as to why the couldn't leave. Instead the two characters constantly choose to stay, by their own accord, in the demented house were crazy things are happening right in front of them. Sure, the movie has an Italian sleaze quality to it and maybe a bit of an atmosphere. But how can anybody look past the terrible writing that has two characters being so stupid that you want to throw rocks at them?

Everything else about "Satan's Blood", good or bad, is irrelevant because this movie was so poorly written that you have to be desperate to turn a blind eye to such a serious issue with a movie. I didn't hate the movie any more than I hate other bad 70's knock-offs but what floors me is how nobody seems to acknowledge that "Satan's Blood" is a whole wet bucket of shit. Like the movie, but call it what it is.


Positive things:
- In the English dubbed version, a pregnant Thelma is shown smoking a cigar and then later expresses her concerns to making sure her baby remains healthy. I promptly laughed my ass off.
Negative things:
- The movie is as dumb as a box of rocks.
- Annoying characters.

Rating:
Gore: 1/5
Nudity: 2/5
Story: 2/5
Effects: 2/5
Comedy: 0/5

We bought this movie from:
DiabolikDVD

Reviewed by:
Preston




 

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