Title: Satan's Cannibal Holocaust

Also known as:

Year: 2007

Genre: Horror

Language: English

Runtime: 70 min

Director: Jim Wayer

Writer: Jim Wayer, Ron Bonk, Scott D. Muck

IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0852996/

Kelly, a young reporter, decides to write a piece on her father and the work he has done for the city. In particular, helping to reduce the homeless population. As Kelly goes digging for details and information for her story, she uncovers a horrifying secret that's been kept beneath the city: a satanic cult of murders and cannibals.

Our thoughts:
I decided to go on this whole Satan binge because I realized I had a lot of movies with "Satan's" in the title so I figured this might be a fun series of reviews. I knew a majority of them were going to be bad but I didn't think so many were going to be unbearably bad. I sort of want to hate "Satan's Cannibal Holocaust" but I have this annoying little voice in the back of my head saying, "Yeah it sucked but you've seen worse." And I have. The movies were called "Meat For Satan's Ice Box" and "Satan's Touch".

"Satan's Cannibal Holocaust" actually isn't bad in retrospect of basement produced horror movies. Oddly the movie looked like it was handled a bit more professionally and by that I mean it didn't look as amateurish as they tend to do. (If you ignore all the shaking from someone holding and shooting the movie on a consumer rated camera.) Still, there was something offputting about the movie - it seemed like it lacked any sort of quality. It almost felt like no one actually gave a shit; they made a movie because they wanted to make a movie. It's not true, I'm sure…I hope. But the story is as redundant as they come: A cult grows its powers by killing and feasting on the innocent. Yeah, haven't seen that plotline enough times and having the victims be hobos instead of hookers or virgins doesn't cut it in terms of making it more interesting. Everything about it is basic and obvious: The journalist who gets in over her head the deeper she digs trying to find information for her story. The town with the dark seedy underbelly. The whodunit paranoia. The "satanic" voice-over that gives the details of the story so it makes sense while the rest of movie is spent on pointless and over extended scenes.

I certainly wasn't looking for the next great American classic but I also didn't want something that was going to be as boring as this was. The tiresome plot isn't what made the movie feel so phoned it; (but was another rung on the ladder) it's everything else. Especially the special effects/gore effects; they were extremely cheap and straight up bad. Not surprising for this type of production but considering the seasoned professionals (Eric Stanze as executive-producer) you would think that they would have put more focus and quality into this aspect. Honestly, do movies of this nature offer much else? If you say anything but no then you're only lying to yourself.

Bottom line: "Satan's Cannibal Holocaust" is boring. SOME of the production values seemed like they were better compared to most other backyard movies - it sure as shit was better than "Meat For Satan's Ice Box". The movie definitely needed more meat on its bones (something interesting) and they shouldn't have skimped on the important aspects for a niche movie like this (i.e. the gore). I'm not sure why those involved put the effort into creating something as generic as "Satan's Cannibal Holocaust" was. It was the easiest movie that could be made for a no-budget project? Possibly, but that's still no excuse. Again, with my usual wrap up, I'm sure the people who adore no-budget basement productions will enjoy it but no one else. The movie was only seventy minutes long and I was struggling to pay attention to it, so I can't say there's much reward in watching this movie.

Positive things:
- To give some credit; the "special effects" for a decapitation were clever. However, you'll start laughing once you realize what they did to make it work. And it's obvious.
Negative things:
- Generic and unbelievably boring.
- Felt like it took longer to watch than what the actual runtime is.
- Almost every aspect of the movie felt phoned in.
- Terribly annoying acting.

Gore: 2/5
Nudity: 2/5
Story: 1.5/5
Effects: 1.5/5
Comedy: 1/5

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