Title: Sexy Pirates

Also known as:
I predatori delle Antille (Original title)

Year: 1999

Genre: History / Adventure

Language: Italian

Runtime: 90 min

Director: Joe D'Amato

Writer: Donna Dane

IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0493289/

The lovely wife of Sir Francis Hamilton has to make a huge decision when her man is kidnapped on a mission to sign a peace treaty.

Our thoughts:
I'm not sure what I can say about Joe D'Amato that hasn't already been said. I was always impressed by this man of thousand names, and a few other from around the same time, who made so many movies that collecting them all would be impossible. It's an achievement any way you look at it. But it also makes me wonder what the intentions of the director's in question were. Why did Joe D'Amato decide which films to make, even? It's not like he went down one road and stuck to it. I have intentionally chosen to skip the majority of his films because many of them are just so boring that it's not worth it. Even if there's plenty of juice scenes to go around. But he has made a few golden titles such as "Black Emanuelle", "Erotic Nights of the Living Dead", "Buio Omega", to name a few that still makes me wanna dig through some of his work to find the best. And of course I have checked out some of pornography, but that's besides the point. "Sexy Pirates" is a movie I would've skipped if only I hadn't received a review copy of the One 7 Movies release.

An uninteresting plot is followed by uninteresting events in this uninteresting non-erotic pirate film. That's a good way of summing it up, isn't it? Because frankly, there's nothing worth in this department, and my one line in in the plot description is plenty: "The lovely wife of Sir Francis Hamilton has to make a huge decision when her man is kidnapped on a mission to sign a peace treaty." There is a scene early in the movie that makes you believe that this will at least offer a nice, warm cup of naughty but sadly there's not much of that. At all. Had this been a Troma movie and the title indicated lots of sex, then I would've known better, but when a Joe D'Amato flick shows signs of it only a fool would believe otherwise. A third into this movie I started brushing my cat because I needed to keep busy to get through the film. I ended up bored, but with a smooth cat.

The movie looks like it had a big budget though. I'd say like a big TV movie. The set pieces and clothing were great and made this work as a period piece, and if there's something to compliment the movie on I guess that would be it. As I said earlier, it's hard to know why the director chose to make some of his films, and "Sexy Pirates" is definitely a movie I wonder about. Being one of his last films, and done under the alternative name of David Hills, maybe he was hoping for a ticket into the mainstream. There are so many questions, but I don't think they would be my priority if I had met him since I would've spent too much time asking about Laura Gemser.

I guess I was destined to dislike this movie. First of all there's barely any smut. And not only that, but I dislike most period pieces and adventure movies I have seen. I was never even a fan of "Mutiny on the Bounty", which for some reason was a title that popped up in my head as I was writing this. But that one was far more exciting than "Sexy Pirates" ever was. Not being a fan of anything this movie is about makes it hard for me to know if other people would enjoy it, but I really doubt it. It's just not an exciting movie, the story gets boring quick, the action is pretty lame, the nudity is far between, the violence is barely there, the dubbing is bad, and if this is the only DVD release of the film, then it's in order to say that it's far from impressive as well. You're better off watching Emanuelle run around in the jungle avoiding cannibals if you want a good time with this Italian cult favorite.

Positive things:
- Great sets and all that jazz.
Negative things:
-There are very few scenes that show us what we want to see of these sexy pirates.
- Boring film.
- I'm not a period piece fan.

Gore: 0.5/5
Nudity: 0.5/5
Story: 1.5/5
Effects: 1/5
Comedy: 2/5

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