The water has been tainted and now men have become misogynistic monsters who are looking to ejaculate and bash women's skulls open. Phil O'Ginny is tossed into the middle of it all and will do what he can to stop the monsters and find out the secrets behind the tainted water.
Every now and again there's a movie that comes out that makes you shake your head in disbelief and ask, "Is this real?" I'm here to tell you yes it is real and that movie is "The Taint". Co-director and writer Drew Bolduc called the movie, “The ultimate sexually-frustrated-male-nerd-emotional-masturbation-release film, done in the style of an 80's horror-comedy.” That's about as good as a description as you can get when it comes to "The Taint" other than calling it 'bat shit crazy'.
"The Taint" is about a chemical that gets into the water and turns the men into misogynistic monsters that want to bash women's heads open while their enlarged cocks hang out and unleash baby-batter bombs. Student Phil O'Ginny (played by Drew Bolduc) and ultimate ladies man, gets tossed into the middle of this feminists massacre. With the help of Park Ranger Misandra, the two take to arms and have to fight it out with monsters and the men who are taking advantage of the situation, and find the answers to the tainted water.
Ya get it? Taint. Tainted. Ya get it? Huh? Do ya get it?! Yeah, you get it.
Watching the trailer it's hard to believe a movie like "The Taint" exists and to be honest, the movie is about as wild as the trailer. Yes, there is an actual story to be found but really, when watching "The Taint" it becomes more about the absurd mayhem that occurs on screen. Not to sell what Drew Bolduc and Dan Delson did and their filmmaking abilities short. But the story becomes second nature when you're watching amazingly ultraviolent scenes of men killing women in some of the most graphic ways while being infused with cheesy 80's music and fashion.
Now while "The Taint" is absolutely goddamn nuts the big problem I have with the movie and the thing that kept me from loving the hell out of it, is that it suffers from what Ronny and I have dubbed 'Isle-stupidity'. As you would expect, because the idea behind "The Taint" is so outrageous it doesn't exactly take itself seriously. Unfortunately though it does take things to far and start to do things almost for the sake of being stupid and ridiculous, much like the movie "Isle of the Damned". Which was truly one of the most awful movies since it decided that being ungodly stupid and beating a single joke to death was somehow comedic genius. And at times "The Taint" gets close to making the same mistake, but by the grace of god and the makers having some sensibility, it never crosses the line. Though it gets really close.
The other thing that also saves "The Taint" from the 'Isle-stupidity' curse is that there is some actual talent and skill behind the camera. Sure, Drew Bolduc and Dan Delson may not be the next John Carpenter, or whatever horror director the fans are idolizing these days but they are able to demonstrate that a little can go a long ways. Certainly the movie's ability to seamlessly blend computer with practical effects to make some of the best looking gore gags for a no-budget project is impressive and noteworthy. What makes it stand out though is that while "The Taint" is a basement production, it doesn't show it. At no point does it seem like a group of people decided to make a movie, more or less for something to do, like many of them do. It doesn't quite have the quality a movie like "Feeding Frenzy" has, but "The Taint" was obviously made with competence and pride, though not necessarily with self-respect.
For me, the fact that "The Taint" becomes unnecessarily ridiculous and stupid at times, I wasn't able to get into as much as I thought I was going to but all the same I'm still glad that I not only saw it, but own it too. Why? Simply because there isn't anything out there quite like it - it's fucking nuts, absurd, and in bad taste. It's hard not to find enjoyment in the raunchy chaos of these male monsters graphically killing women while they've got their dorks hanging out. It's disgusting and my heterosexuality makes me want to look away, but I can't. I simply can't. There are some other flaws outside of the stupidity (though I'm sure it being stupid won't bother a lot of people) such as the middle of the movie dragging in comparison to the rest, and some of the jokes falling flat. But as I said, there is some serious talent behind the camera and that saves a lot of the movie. It's not a great movie but everyone should see "The Taint" at least once in their lives, if anything, just so you can say that you've seen it.