Title: Two Front Teeth

Also known as:

Year: 2006

Genre: Horror / Comedy

Language: English

Runtime: 85 min

Director: Jamie Nash, David Thomas Sckrabulis

Writer: Jamie Nash

IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0498397/

Reporter Gabe Snow uncovers the conspiracy behind the crash of flight 1225 but what he doesn't know is how far this story goes. All the way to the big man in red. Before Christmas is over Gabe must fight off demon elves, a secret order of nuns, and a blood hungry Santa Clause to make the truth known that happens to revolve around a glowing red nose.

Our thoughts:
Jamie Nash: "We wanted to destroy Christmas."

I guess we all know who got elf poop in his stocking one year, don't we? Jokes aside, I welcome anybody to make a Christmas Holiday horror film that isn't "Black Christmas" or another crappy one involving a killer Santa. Thankfully the horror comedy "Two Front Teeth" threw its hat into the ring; a movie the encompasses just about every holiday gag that one could think of and doesn't feel anywhere near as forced as something like "Santa's Slay".

To go ahead and get it out of the way, the story behind "Two Front Teeth" seems to be the biggest problem people have with it. To a degree I can see why but then again we aren't talking about a complex movie here; we're talking about one that is designed merely to entertain. Our two main characters Gabe and Noel, become marked for death by Santa's little helpers and unknowingly become part of massive war between different factions of Christmas, over Rudolph's nose and the power it holds. The movie takes its time revealing the details of the story, what's really going on with Santa and Christmas, and characters. Plot points are actually explained all the way up until the very end, but even then, some of the explanation is kind of flimsy. Not to mention new characters are constantly brought in which kind of adds to the debacle of the story being explained.

As I said, I can understand some people having issues with the movie's story to an extent, but for me, it really didn't matter. This movie is meant to be simple entertainment, nothing more. "Two Front Teeth" could have been a stronger movie with a better-tighter story, but it isn't needed because what makes the movie work is its humor. The movie definitely has its tongue planted firmly in its cheek, and while it doesn't take itself seriously it also doesn't take it too far in the other direction and become stupid for the sake of being stupid. There is enough cheap holiday puns, bad jokes, and pop culture Christmas references that you'll find yourself quoting the movie for days. It also doesn't seem to be a great idea to be adding characters to a story at the end of the movie but Nash and David do a good job of making each character memorable. (Ninja Nuns! Woo!) Where each one of them is able to bring their own comedic element to the movie which mostly comes from the jokes playing off the fact that the characters are either atypical or not what you would expect at all; i.e. Cowboy Pete or The Silent Knights.

While people comment negatively on the story, they then turn around and try to sell the movie as being gory but honestly, I never really found the movie to be gory. There certainly is enough mayhem and violence in the movie that it'll keep you giddy like a school girl with everything from decapitations to people being stabbed with a variety of objects like candy canes and cross knives. Though maybe not finding it gory had to do with the fact that most of the violence is played for laughs but it also never shows too much. At its worst the movie uses Japanese style over-the-top blood geysers but that's where it pretty much begins and ends with the blood and the gore.

So the movie isn't as gory as people claim and the faulty storyline maybe a bit of concern if you're particularly anal when it comes to that. The only thing I think that came off as particularly bad were the CGI effects and some truly bad camera work. Regardless of that "Two Front Teeth" still manages to be a very entertaining and a fun watch, and dammit, if you aren't applauding the final kung-fu battle between Santa Clause and Clausferatu then you are simply wound-up way too tight. If you go in expecting a technically sound low-budget horror comedy then you'll probably be disappointed. If you can allow yourself to have fun with the movie, laugh with it or at it, and forego its faults then you'll have a blast.

Positive things:
- A vampire Santa Clause, evil elves, cowboys, ninja nuns, gun fights, sword fights, foot surgery, and a...were-rabbit...The movie just about has everything.
- Overall it's a fun holiday horror flick.
- The Silent Knights (the ninja nuns) deserve there own spin off movie.
- The inexplicable animated flashback sequence.
- Our buddy Michael "Maggot" Schneider worked on the movie.
Negative things:
- Some scenes in the movie look terrible. I don't know if they used a different camera or what happened, but it's hard to ignore the jumpy image and jittery frame rate.

Gore: 2/5
Nudity: 0/5
Story: 3/5
Effects: 2/5
Comedy: 3/5

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